Kungani izingxoxo zeqembu zikhatheza kangaka (futhi kulungile ukuzithulisa)

Uvula ifoni yakho uthole imiyalezo engu-217 engafundiwe emaqenjini ayisithupha ezingxoxo zeqembu. Elomndeni, elemsebenzi, elezabangane bakudala, nalelo lento eyenzeka eminyakeni emithathu edlule engakaze iphele. Uskrola, ufunda kancane, uzizwa sengathi kufanele uphendule, uzizwa unecala ukuthi awukakwenzi, bese ngandlela-thile ukhathala kakhulu kunakuqala ngaphambi kokuba uyibuke. Izingxoxo zeqembu kwakumele zisenze sihlale sixhumene. Kubantu abaningi, seziphenduke umthombo oqhubekayo, ongapheli wokukhathala.

Ukukhathala kwemiyalezo kuyinto yangempela futhi akukhulunywa ngayo ngokwanele, futhi ukuzizwa ukhathale ngenxa yezingxoxo zeqembu akukwenzi ube umuntu ongathandi abantu noma umngane omubi. Kunezizathu ezithile ukuthumela imiyalezo emaqenjini njalo okukwenza kube nzima kakhulu kunalokho okubonakala — futhi izindaba ezinhle, zikhona izindlela zokubeka imingcele ngaphandle kokuzizwa unecala ezivikela kokubili amandla akho nobudlelwane bakho. Nakhu kokubili.

Kungakhathaza kakhulu kunokuba kubonakala

Akupheli noma kuxazululeki

Ingxoxo ebusweni nobuso iyaqala futhi iyaphela. I-group chat ihlezi ivuliwe — ayikho indlela yemvelo yokuvala, akukho lapho ungathi usuqedile. Lokho kusho umuzwa ongaphansi wokuthi kunomsebenzi ongakaqedwa, ongakaxazululeki, oqhubeka emuva engqondweni cishe njalo. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zibiza ukudonsela kwemisebenzi engakaqedwa ngokuthi i-Zeigarnik effect: izinto ezisavulekile zithatha izinsiza zengqondo kuze kube zivaliwe. I-group chat iyisiyingi esingalokothi sivale, futhi buthule ithwala umthwalo ekunakeni kwakho usuku lonke. Ucwaningo lwakamuva lwachaza kangcono lo mbono: izinhloso ezingakaqedwa ziyaqhubeka zingene emicabangweni yakho, kodwa ukumane wenze uhlelo olucacile lokuthi uzobhekana nazo nini nokuthi kanjani kwenza lokho kuphazamiseka kunciphe (Masicampo & Baumeister, 2011).

Isibopho esincane esiqhubekayo

Umlayezo ngamunye uphethe isibopho esincane senhlalo — sokuwufunda, ukusabela, ukuhambisana nezinto, ukuphendula ngesikhathi ukuze kungabi nguwe oshiye umlayezo ufundiwe. Uma lokho ukukuqoqela ezingxoxweni eziningi ezisebenzayo, usuke uthwele umuzwa oqhubekayo nowesemoyeni wokuthi ukweleta abantu izimpendulo. Akuvami ukuzwakala njengezinto eziphuthumayo ngamunye ngamunye, kodwa uma sekubalwa konke ndawonye kuba ingcindezi eqhubekayo yomphakathi engapheli ngokuphelele. Lowo mthwalo osesemoyeni uyakhathaza ngempela, ngisho noma kungekho mlayezo owodwa oyedwa.

Kukhona futhi inani elikhulu lokuphazamiseka — ingxoxo yeqembu ematasa ingathumela izexwayiso ezingamashumi amaningana ngehora, ngakunye kuyisicelo esincane sokunaka kwakho, ngendlela esichaza ngayo esihlokweni sethu se-ukuphazamiseka kwe-notification. Futhi ukwesaba ukuphuthelwa umongo (ihlaya langaphakathi, uhlelo, isinqumo) kukugcina ubheka futhi, ngakho ingxoxo ithatha ukunaka ngisho noma akukho okubalulekile okwenzeka.

Ingxoxo iyaphela. Ingxoxo yeqembu ayipheli. Kuyindilinga yezenhlalo ehlala ivulekile unomphela — umsebenzi omncane ongakaqedwa, kanye nesibopho esihlala sikhona sokuhambisana nakho, okusebenza ngemuva kosuku lwakho lonke. Akumangazi ukuthi kuyakhathaza.

Kungani ukuthulisa kuzwakala kungalungile (kodwa akunjalo)

Nansi ingibe: ngisho noma ingxoxo yeqembu ikukhipha amandla, ukuyishiya noma ukuyithulisa kubonakala kuyingozi emphakathini — sengathi uyenqaba abantu abakuyo, noma uzophuthelwa okuthile, noma uzobonakala ungazwani nabanye. Ngakho abantu bahlala bexhumene ngokugcwele ezingxoxweni ezibakhathazayo, ngenxa yomuzwa wecala ne-FOMO, bekhokha izindleko zamandla kunokufaka engcupheni eyomphakathi. Lesi sibopho sibonakala sikhulu kunalokho esiyikho.

Kodwa ukuthulisa ingxoxo akufani nokwenqaba abantu abakuyo. Ungabakhathalela kakhulu abangane bakho kodwa ungadingi isaziso sesikhathi sangempela somlayezo ngamunye mayelana nokuhlela isidlo sasemini. Ukuthulisa kushintsha ukuthi ungene nini futhi kanjani — ngendlela oyikhethayo, uma ukhetha ukubheka — hhayi ukuthi uyabakhathalela yini. Ubudlelwano buhlala ekuxhumaneni kwangempela, hhayi ekuphenduleni kwakho ngesikhathi sangempela kuchungechunge lwemilayezo engu-40 olungasho lutho. Ukudedela isibopho sokuqhubeka nakho konke yikho okwenza ukuhlala uxhumene nalokho okubalulekile kusimame.

Imingcele esebenzayo ngaphandle kokuzizwa unecala

Inhloso akukhona ukushiya impilo yakho yokuxhumana — wukuzibandakanya nayo ngendlela engakupheli amandla. Imingcele esebenzayo, engenamsindo:

• Thulisa kakhulu. Thulisa izaziso kuzo zonke izingxoxo ezingadingi ukunaka kwakho ngesikhathi sangempela — okuyizona cishe zonke. Ukuthulisa akusho ukuphuma; ingxoxo isekhona uma usukhetha ukuyibheka. Lolu shintsho olulodwa lususa ngokushesha iningi lomthwalo wokuphazamiseka.
• Bheka ngesikhathi sakho, hhayi ngesikhathi sabo. Funda futhi uphendule ezingxoxweni zeqembu ngezikhathi ezimbalwa ozikhethile kunokuphendula usuku lonke ngendlela yokusabela nje. Ingxoxo ayidingi ukuba khona bukhoma; yiphendule ngezigaba.
• Yeka ukuzama ukulandelela konke. Awudingi ukufunda yonke imiyalezo engu-200. Dlula ngokushesha ubheke noma yini eqondiswe kuwe ngempela noma ebalulekile, bese ushiya okunye. Akekho okulindele ukuba ufunde igama ngalinye, futhi ukuziphatha sengathi kunjalo kuwumthwalo ozibekela wona.
• Kulungile ukushiya izingxoxo ezifile. Iqembu lomcimbi owenzeka eminyakeni emibili edlule lingashiywa. Ukushiya ingxoxo engasasebenzi noma engasabalulekile kuwukugcina uhlelo lucocekile, hhayi inhlamba.
• Phendula uma unokuthile ongakusho, hhayi ngenxa yesibopho. Awuphoqelekile ukusabela kuwo wonke umlayezo. Ukufaka isandla uma unokuthile ngempela kungokweqiniso kakhulu kunokulingisa ukuba khona njalo.

Lezi zonke ziyizinhlobo zesenzo esisodwa: ukuguqula ingxoxo ibe yithuluzi olisebenzisa ngenhloso kunokuba ibe yisibopho sokuhlale ukhona — umgomo ofanayo osesisekelo somhlahlandlela wethu wokuthi ukunciphisa isikhathi sesikrini ngaphandle kwamandla okuzibamba. Wena ubeka imithetho yokusebenzisana, esikhundleni sokuba ingxoxo ikubekele yona.

Okubalulekile

Izingxoxo zeqembu ziyakhathaza ngempela ngezindlela ezingekho emcabangweni wakho: azivali neze, zidala njalo umuzwa oqhubekayo wokuthi kukhona okufanele ukwenze, futhi zikuphonsa iziphazamiso ezingapheli, kushiye unomuzwa ohlala njalo ongemuva wokuthi kunemilayezo okumele uyiphendule. Ukuzizwa uphelelwa amandla yizo akukwenzi ube umuntu ongathandi ukuhlangana nabanye — kukwenza ube nomuntu onamandla okuxhumana anomkhawulo nezinto eziningi ezingakaqedwa ezilwela lawo mandla.

Uvunyelwe ukubeka imingcele. Thulisa ngokukhululeka, hlola ngesikhathi sakho, weqa inqwaba yemilayezo emuva, shiya lezo ezingasasebenzi, futhi uphendule lapho empeleni unokuthile ongakusho. Akukho kulokho okusho ukuthi usunakekela abantu abakule ngxoxo kancane — kusho ukwenqaba ukuvumela uchungechunge olungapheli ludle ukunaka kwakho usuku lonke. Vikela amandla akho. Ubungane buzophila noma isaziso sithuliswe; ukuthula kwakho kungase kungasinda uma ukhetha enye indlela.

Sources

1. Zeigarnik, B. (1927). Über das Behalten von erledigten und unerledigten Handlungen (On finished and unfinished tasks). Psychologische Forschung, 9, 1–85.
2. Mark, G., Gudith, D., & Klocke, U. (2008). The cost of interrupted work: More speed and stress. Proceedings of the SIGCHI Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems, 107–110.
3. Reinecke, L., et al. (2018). Permanently online and permanently connected: Development and validation of the Online Vigilance Scale. PLoS ONE, 13(10), e0205384.
4. Halfmann, A., & Rieger, D. (2019). Permanently on call: The effects of social pressure on smartphone users' self-control. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 24(4), 165–181.
5. Masicampo, E.J., & Baumeister, R.F. (2011). Consider it done! Plan making can eliminate the cognitive effects of unfulfilled goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 101(4), 667–683.

Indlela esicwaninga futhi sibuyekeze ngayo lokhu