Uvula i-Instagram, uphonsa imizuzu emithathu, bese uyivala uzizwa kancane ungcono ngempilo yakho. Akukho okubi okwenzekile. Ujolile nje ezithombeni. Kodwa le mizwa iyangempela, futhi iyenzeka njalo ngokwanele ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi ubone le mikhuba ngaphandle kokwazi kahle ukuyibiza.
Okukhona kwenzeka ukuqhathanisa kwabantu — enye yezinto ezisemqoka ezikhuthaza indlela esicabanga ngayo njengabantu — iqhuba kumishini engakaze iklanywe ukuyisebenzisa.
Ukuqhathanisa kwabantu akuyona iphutha
Ngo-1954, umcwaningi wezengqondo uLeon Festinger waphakamisa iMibono Yokuhlanganiswa Kwezokuxhumana: abantu banezidingo eziyisisekelo zokuhlola imibono yabo namakhono, futhi sikwenza lokhu ikakhulukazi ngokuzifaka eqhweni nabanye abantu. Lokhu akukhona okungajwayelekile. Kuyasiza. Ngaphambi kokuba kube khona impendulo engathembekile, ukuqhathanisa wena nabanye kwakuyindlela yokuhlola ukuthi amakhono akho, isikhundla, nezinqumo zakho zanele.
Ukuqhathanisa kuba yingozi hhayi ngoba umgomo uqhekekile, kodwa ngoba umthombo wezikhumbuzo ubalulekile kakhulu. Uma uqathanisa wena nabantu abakuzungezile — ozakwenu bempilo — ukuqhathanisa kulungiswe kahle. Unemvelaphi. Uyazi ukuthi umphakathi wakho obonakala engcono kakhulu unomthwalo omncane wezibopho zomndeni. Uyazi ukuthi imoto enhle yomakhelwane wakho iletha ingcindezi yezimali ongayibona ngaphandle.
Izinkundla zokuxhumana zikhupha yonke le mvelaphi. Uqhathanisa impilo yakho yangaphakathi — ukungabaza kwakho, izinsuku zakho ezimbi, amahora akho ajwayelekile — ngokumelene nevidiyo yokukhanya eyakhiwe yizinkulungwane zabantu ngasikhathi sinye, abaningi babo ongakaze ubahlangabeze futhi ongazi lutho ngempilo yabo yangempela.
Kungani ukuqhathanisa phezulu ezinkundleni zokuxhumana kuhluke
Abacwaningi bahlukanisa phakathi kokuphakanyiswa kokwazisa (ukuzifanisa nomuntu ophumelela kakhulu kunokuthi) nokwehla kokwazisa (ukuzifanisa nomuntu ophumelela kancane). Kokubili kwenzeka njalo. Ukuphakanyiswa kokwazisa kungakhuthaza — ukubona umuntu ofezile lokho okufunayo kungakunika amandla — kodwa kungaphinde kukwehlise, futhi into ebalulekile ukuthi uyakholwa yini ukuthi le ngxenye ingavulwa.
Izinkundla zokuxhumana zandisa ukuphakanyiswa kokwazisa ngezindlela eziningi ezikwenza kube lula ukukwehlisa kunokukukhuthaza:
Ukukhetha okungafanele: Abantu babelana ngezikhathi zabo ezinhle kakhulu. Uhambo oluhle, ukuthuthukiswa, umzimba emva kwezinyanga eziyisithupha zokuqeqesha. Awuboni inqubo, izindleko, noma izinsuku ezimbi. Isampula ibukeka kakhulu.
Isikali: Empilweni ejwayelekile, umphakathi wakho wokwazisa ungabantu abambalwa abangu-30 kuya kwangu-100. Ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, ubhekene nezikhathi eziningi eziphezulu ngaphezulu kokuhamba kwesikhumbuzo kusuka emphakathini wezizigidi. Ngokuqinisekile, kukhona umuntu ophumelela ngcono kunokwakho kuzo zonke izici ozikhathalelayo.
Ukucaciswa: Uma uzifananisa nomngane, unokucaciswa okwanele ukuze ungabheki le mfanelo. Uma uzifananisa nomuntu ophumelelayo owulandela, awunakho almost okucacile — kuphela umyalezo ohlongozwayo, osuswe kukho konke okungase kubuyisele le mfanelo.
Uhlelo lwezithakazelo: Izinkundla zengeza isendlalelo sokuvuma esilinganisiwe — izithakazelo, abalandeli, ukubukwa — okuguqula isimo somphakathi sibe inombolo ebonakalayo. Lokhu kuvula imithombo yokuwina yezenhlalo ebuchosheni ngendlela yokuthi impendulo yezenhlalo engalungile emhlabeni yangempela ayizange yenze.
Kwenzekani ebuchosheni
Izifundo zokuthwebula ubuchopho mayelana nokwazisa kwezenhlalo zikhombisa ukuthi ukuqhathaniswa okungalungile kwezenhlalo kuvula izindawo ezihlobene nokucubungula ubuhlungu, ikakhulukazi i-anterior cingulate cortex. Ubuhlungu bezenhlalo buhlinzekwa ngemicabango efanayo neyesikhumba. Ukungakhululeki okuzwa ngemuva kweseshini yokuskrola akukhulumi nje kuphela.
Kukhona futhi ukuxhumana nohlelo lokuthola izinsongo lwekhanda. Ikhanda lihlola njalo isimo sokuxhumana ngoba, emlandweni omude wokukhula kwabantu, isimo esiphansi sokuxhumana sisho ukufinyelela okuncane kwezinsiza nokuvikeleka. Umuzwa ophuthumayo wokuthi isikhundla sakho siphansi kunalokho obekucabanga uvula impendulo ethile yokucindezeleka — i-cortisol, ukuqaphela, nokuhlola izinsongo.
Lokhu kungokwakho ukuthi ukuhamba ngokungazenzisi — ukudla ngaphandle kokuxhumana — kuhlale kutholakala ukuthi kubi kakhulu kunokusebenzisa izinkundla zokuxhumana ngokusebenza. Uma uxhumana ngempela nabantu abathile, ukwi-relationship enokuphendula nokuxhumana. Uma uhamba ngokungazenzisi, udlala nje umjikelezo wokuphikisa ngaphandle kwesignali yokulungisa.
Ukuhamba ngokungazenzisi kuyaphikisana ngaphandle kokuxhumana. Uthola ubuhlungu bezokuxhumana ngaphandle kokwaneliseka kwezokuxhumana.
Umfanekiso womzimba
Omunye wemiphumela efundwe kakhulu yokwenzeka kokuhlanganyela emphakathini wezokuxhumana umfanekiso womzimba. Ukuhlaziywa kwe-meta kuveza njalo ukuthi ukusetshenziswa kwezokuxhumana okukhulu kuhambisana nokwaneliseka komzimba okuphansi, ikakhulukazi (kodwa hhayi kuphela) phakathi kwentsha nabesifazane abancane. Umsebenzi unjengoba: ukuqhathanisa okukhulu kakhulu nezithombe ezihlelwe, ezihlungiwe, ezikhanyiswe ngochwepheshe, futhi ngokuvamile zishintshwe ngedijithali.
Usayizi walolu phumela ubalulekile. Ucwaningo lwango-2018 olushicilelwe kwi-Journal of Experimental Social Psychology lwathola ukuthi ngisho nokub exposure okuncane kokuhlangenwe nakho kokufitspiration kwehlisa ukwaneliseka komzimba kwabesifazane futhi kwandisa umkhuba wabo wokuhlanganyela kokuhlangenwe nakho okungafika ihora elilodwa emva kwalokho. Imizuzu embalwa yokuskrola ishintsha umoya nomqondo wokuzibona isikhathi eside.
Kungani uqhubeka ubuya
Uma imithombo yezokuxhumana ikwenza uzizwe kabi, kungani kunzima ukuyeka? Impendulo ikwi hlelo lokreward olungaguquki. Ukuqhathanisa okungahambi kahle akukona kuphela okwenzeka ngesikhathi sokuskrola. Kuphakathi kokuhlangana okungokoqobo, okuhlekisayo, ulwazi olufanele, kanye nezikhathi zokuvuma. Ukungaqiniseki kokuthi uzothola ini — nokuthi uzothola nini — yikho okwenza lokhu kube ukuziphatha okungapheli.
Ibhala lemizwa lingase libe libi, kodwa amahithi amancane aphumelelayo akugcina ubuya. Lokhu kuyindlela efanayo eyenza ukudlala kube nzima ukuyeka ngisho noma uphumelele.
Ukuphula umjikelezo: okusebenza ngempela
Hlola ukudla kwakho, hhayi ukusetshenziswa kwakho. Imikhawulo yesikhathi kuphela ayishintshi indlela ozizwa ngayo ngesikhathi osichitha. Ukungalandeli ama-akhawunti avame ukuveza ukuqhathaniswa okungalungile — kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyawathanda yini okuqukethwe — kushintsha izinga leqembu lokuqhathanisa. Uhlele iqembu lakho lokubhekisela. Phatha lokhu njengokunjalo.
Shintsha okungasebenzi kube kusebenze. Faka esikhundleni sokuskrola ukusebenzisa okuthile ngenhloso: thumela umlayezo kumuntu othile, phuma okuthile okwenzile, bheka ulwazi oluthile. Ukuba nenhloso ecacile kushintsha indlela yokucabanga ukusuka ekwenzeni umaqhuzu kuya ekusebenzeni ngenhloso.
Bona ngaphambi/nemuva. Ukuloga imizwa ngaphambi nangemva kwezikhathi zokusebenzisa izinkundla zokuxhumana kudala umjikelezo wokuphendula okungokoqobo okungasetshenziswa ubuchopho bakho. Abantu abaningi, uma belandela lokhu ngokweqiniso, bathola amaphethini ajwayelekile abengazi ngawo. Ukwazi lokhu kudala ukuhamba phakathi kokukhumbuza nokuphendula okuzenzakalelayo.
Ukutshalwa kwemali emhlabeni wangempela. Umjaho wokuhlanganisa ulwazi ulahlekelwa kakhulu amandla awo uma ungena kakhulu ezinhlelweni zangempela, ubudlelwano, nezinto ezenza impendulo yazo. Umuthi wokuphuza okungasebenzi kahle akuwona ukunciphisa ukuphuza — kodwa ukukhiqiza okuqotho nokuxhumana okwengeziwe okwenza ukuphuza kube sengathi akudingekile.
Ukuqonda okuyinhloko: Ukuqhathanisa nabanye kuyinqubo ejwayelekile yokucabanga esebenza ngemininingwane engajwayelekile. Ukudla akuyona imiphakathi yakho — kuyisampula ethile kakhulu yezikhathi eziphezulu ezivela kubantu abayizigidi. Ukuqonda lokhu akukwenzi kube lula ukuqhathanisa, kodwa kushintsha incazelo yokuthi ukuqhathanisa kusho ukuthini. Awuphumeleli. Uqhathanisa wena nomfanekiso ophakeme owakhiwe ngokukhethekile ukuze ubonakale ungcono kunempilo yakho ejwayelekile.
Sources
- Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140.
- Vogel, E.A., Rose, J.P., Roberts, L.R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-evaluation. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206–222.
- Verduyn, P., et al. (2015). Passive Facebook usage undermines affective well-being. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 144(2), 480–488.
- Fardouly, J., Diedrichs, P.C., Vartanian, L.R., & Halliwell, E. (2015). Social comparisons on social media: the impact of Facebook on young women's body image concerns and mood. Body Image, 13, 38–45.
- Twenge, J.M., & Campbell, W.K. (2019). Media use is linked to lower psychological well-being: Evidence from three datasets. Psychiatric Quarterly, 90(2), 311–331.
Sebenzisa lokhu
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