Ithafa Lokwazisa Ngemidiya Yezokuxhumana: Kungani Ikwenza Uzizwe Ungcono

Uvula i-Instagram, uphonsa imizuzu emithathu, bese uyivala uzizwa kancane ungcono ngempilo yakho. Akukho okubi okwenzekile. Ujolile nje ezithombeni. Kodwa le mizwa iyangempela, futhi iyenzeka njalo ngokwanele ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi ubone le mikhuba ngaphandle kokwazi kahle ukuyibiza.

Okukhona kwenzeka ukuqhathanisa kwabantu — enye yezinto ezisemqoka ezikhuthaza indlela esicabanga ngayo njengabantu — iqhuba kumishini engakaze iklanywe ukuyisebenzisa.

Ukuqhathanisa kwabantu akuyona iphutha

Ngo-1954, umcwaningi wezengqondo uLeon Festinger waphakamisa iMibono Yokuhlanganiswa Kwezokuxhumana: abantu banezidingo eziyisisekelo zokuhlola imibono yabo namakhono, futhi sikwenza lokhu ikakhulukazi ngokuzifaka eqhweni nabanye abantu. Lokhu akukhona okungajwayelekile. Kuyasiza. Ngaphambi kokuba kube khona impendulo engathembekile, ukuqhathanisa wena nabanye kwakuyindlela yokuhlola ukuthi amakhono akho, isikhundla, nezinqumo zakho zanele.

Ukuqhathanisa kuba yingozi hhayi ngoba umgomo uqhekekile, kodwa ngoba umthombo wezikhumbuzo ubalulekile kakhulu. Uma uqathanisa wena nabantu abakuzungezile — ozakwenu bempilo — ukuqhathanisa kulungiswe kahle. Unemvelaphi. Uyazi ukuthi umphakathi wakho obonakala engcono kakhulu unomthwalo omncane wezibopho zomndeni. Uyazi ukuthi imoto enhle yomakhelwane wakho iletha ingcindezi yezimali ongayibona ngaphandle.

Izinkundla zokuxhumana zikhupha konke lokho okukhuluma ngakho. Uqhathanisa impilo yakho yangaphakathi ephelele — ukungabaza kwakho, izinsuku zakho ezimbi, amahora akho ajwayelekile — nevidiyo yokukhombisa eyakhiwe yizinkulungwane zabantu ngesikhathi esisodwa, abaningi abangakaze ubahlangabeze futhi ongazi lutho ngempela ngezimo zabo.

Kungani ukuqhathanisa phezulu ezinkundleni zokuxhumana kuhluke

Abacwaningi bahlukanisa phakathi kokuphakanyiswa kokwazisa (ukuzifanisa nomuntu ophumelela kakhulu kunokuthi) nokwehla kokwazisa (ukuzifanisa nomuntu ophumelela kancane). Kokubili kwenzeka njalo. Ukuphakanyiswa kokwazisa kungakhuthaza — ukubona umuntu ofezile lokho okufunayo kungakunika amandla — kodwa kungaphinde kukwehlise, futhi into ebalulekile ukuthi uyakholwa yini ukuthi le ngxenye ingavulwa.

Izinkundla zokuxhumana zandisa ukuphakanyiswa kokwazisa ngezindlela eziningi ezikwenza kube lula ukukwehlisa kunokukukhuthaza:

Ukukhetha okungafanele: Abantu babelana ngezikhathi zabo ezinhle kakhulu. Uhambo oluhle, ukuthuthukiswa, umzimba emva kwezinyanga eziyisithupha zokuqeqesha. Awuboni inqubo, izindleko, noma izinsuku ezimbi. Isampula ibukeka kakhulu.

Isikali: Empilweni ejwayelekile, umphakathi wakho wokwazisa ungabantu abambalwa abangu-30 kuya kwangu-100. Ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, ubhekene nezikhathi eziningi eziphezulu ngaphezulu kokuhamba kwesikhumbuzo kusuka emphakathini wezizigidi. Ngokuqinisekile, kukhona umuntu ophumelela ngcono kunokwakho kuzo zonke izici ozikhathalelayo.

Ukucaciswa: Uma uzifananisa nomngane, unokucaciswa okwanele ukuze ungabheki le mfanelo. Uma uzifananisa nomuntu ophumelelayo owulandela, awunakho almost okucacile — kuphela umyalezo ohlongozwayo, osuswe kukho konke okungase kubuyisele le mfanelo.

Uhlelo lokuthandwa: Amapulatifomu engeza isendlalelo sokugunyazwa komphakathi esibalekayo — ama-like, abalandeli, ukubukwa — okwenza isikhundla somphakathi sibe inombolo ebonakalayo. Ocwaningweni olulodwa lokuthwebula ubuchopho, intsha ebona izithombe zayo ezinama-like amaningi yabonisa umsebenzi omkhulu ezingxenyeni zobuchopho ezihlobene nomvuzo (Sherman et al., 2016). Ukwamukelwa empilweni yangempela kwakungakaze kubalwe kanje ngokunembile.

Kwenzekani ebuchosheni

Izifundo zokuthwebula ubuchopho zibonisa ukuthi ukwaliwa emphakathini nobuhlungu bomzimba kusebenzisa izingxenye zobuchopho ezifanayo kancane (Eisenberger et al., 2003), yize ukuthi lokho kuhlangana kufinyelela kude kangakanani kusaxoxwa ngakho. Noma yini indlela esebenza ngayo, ukungakhululeki okuzwa ngemva kokupheqa kuyiqiniso.

Kukhona futhi ukusebenzisana nohlelo lobuchopho olubona izingozi. Ubuchopho buhlala bubheka isikhundla somphakathi ngoba, isikhathi esiningi somlando wokuziphendukela kwemvelo womuntu, ukuba sesikhundleni esiphansi kwakusho ukufinyelela okuncane ezinsizeni nasekuvikelekeni. Uma uzizwa ngokuzumayo sengathi isikhundla sakho siphansi kunendlela obucabanga ngayo, kungazwakala njengosongo oluncane: uqala ukuqaphela kakhulu futhi uzigxeke kakhulu.

Lokhu kungase kube yisizathu sokuthi ukuskrola ungabandakanyeki — ukubuka okuqukethwe ngaphandle kokuphendula — kwaxhunyaniswa nomuzwa ophansi kwezinye izifundo (Verduyn et al., 2015), nakuba ukubuyekezwa kwakamuva kuthole ukuthi ukuhlukanisa phakathi kokusebenza nokungasebenzi akucaci kangako njengoba kwakucatshangwa ekuqaleni (Valkenburg et al., 2022). Uma uxhumana ngokuqondile nabantu abathile, usebudlelwaneni obunempendulo nokuxhumana. Uma nje uskrola ungabandakanyeki, usuke wenza umjikelezo wokuqhathanisa ngaphandle kwesiginali yokulungisa.

Ukuhamba ngokungazenzisi kuyaphikisana ngaphandle kokuxhumana. Uthola ubuhlungu bezokuxhumana ngaphandle kokwaneliseka kwezokuxhumana.

Umfanekiso womzimba

Omunye wemiphumela efundwe kakhulu yokuqhathanisa nabanye ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ukubukeka komzimba. Ukuhlaziywa kwemeta kuthola ukuxhumana okuncane kodwa okuqhubekayo phakathi kokusetshenziswa okukhulu kwezinkundla zokuxhumana nokwaneliseka okuphansi ngomzimba, ikakhulukazi (kodwa hhayi kuphela) phakathi kwentsha nabesifazane abasebasha. Indlela esebenza ngayo iyafana: ukuziqhathanisa ngokweqile nezithombe ezikhethiwe kahle, ezihlungiwe, ezikhanyiswe ngobungcweti, futhi ngokuvamile ezishintshwe ngedijithali.

Izivivinyo zibonisa ukuthi lokhu kwenzeka ngokushesha kangakanani. Abesifazane ababuke izithombe ze-fitspiration imizuzu embalwa babike isimo sengqondo esingesihle nokwaneliseka okuphansi ngomzimba kunabesifazane ababoniswe izithombe zokuhamba (Tiggemann & Zaccardo, 2015). Ngisho nokubuka isikhashana nje kungashintsha indlela ozizwa ngayo ngomzimba wakho.

Kungani uqhubeka ubuya

Uma imithombo yezokuxhumana ikwenza uzizwe kabi, kungani kunzima ukuyeka? Impendulo ikwi hlelo lokreward olungaguquki. Ukuqhathanisa okungahambi kahle akukona kuphela okwenzeka ngesikhathi sokuskrola. Kuphakathi kokuhlangana okungokoqobo, okuhlekisayo, ulwazi olufanele, kanye nezikhathi zokuvuma. Ukungaqiniseki kokuthi uzothola ini — nokuthi uzothola nini — yikho okwenza lokhu kube ukuziphatha okungapheli.

Ibhala lemizwa lingase libe libi, kodwa amahithi amancane aphumelelayo akugcina ubuya. Lokhu kuyindlela efanayo eyenza ukudlala kube nzima ukuyeka ngisho noma uphumelele.

Ukuphula umjikelezo: okusebenza ngempela

Hlola ukudla kwakho, hhayi ukusetshenziswa kwakho. Imikhawulo yesikhathi kuphela ayishintshi indlela ozizwa ngayo ngesikhathi osichitha. Ukungalandeli ama-akhawunti avame ukuveza ukuqhathaniswa okungalungile — kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyawathanda yini okuqukethwe — kushintsha izinga leqembu lokuqhathanisa. Uhlele iqembu lakho lokubhekisela. Phatha lokhu njengokunjalo.

Shintsha okungasebenzi kube kusebenze. Faka esikhundleni sokuskrola ukusebenzisa okuthile ngenhloso: thumela umlayezo kumuntu othile, phuma okuthile okwenzile, bheka ulwazi oluthile. Ukuba nenhloso ecacile kushintsha indlela yokucabanga ukusuka ekwenzeni umaqhuzu kuya ekusebenzeni ngenhloso.

Bona ngaphambi/nemuva. Ukuloga imizwa ngaphambi nangemva kwezikhathi zokusebenzisa izinkundla zokuxhumana kudala umjikelezo wokuphendula okungokoqobo okungasetshenziswa ubuchopho bakho. Abantu abaningi, uma belandela lokhu ngokweqiniso, bathola amaphethini ajwayelekile abengazi ngawo. Ukwazi lokhu kudala ukuhamba phakathi kokukhumbuza nokuphendula okuzenzakalelayo.

Ukutshalwa kwemali emhlabeni wangempela. Umjaho wokuhlanganisa ulwazi ulahlekelwa kakhulu amandla awo uma ungena kakhulu ezinhlelweni zangempela, ubudlelwano, nezinto ezenza impendulo yazo. Umuthi wokuphuza okungasebenzi kahle akuwona ukunciphisa ukuphuza — kodwa ukukhiqiza okuqotho nokuxhumana okwengeziwe okwenza ukuphuza kube sengathi akudingekile.

Sources

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