Phubbing: Umkhuba Omncane Othinta Ubudlelwano Bakho Ngokuqhubekayo

Uxoxa nomuntu omthandayo. Ifoni yakho iyakhanya, futhi amehlo akho abheke kuyo — imizuzwana emihlanu, kancane kakhulu ukuze uqaphele. Ngaphakathi, akukhona okuthile. Ngasohlangothini lwetafula, kwenzeke okuthile: kulolo suku lwemizuzwana emihlanu, baphumelelwe ukushiywa eceleni ukuze babheke eskrini. Ukwenza kube kube kanye, akukhona okuthile. Ukwenza kube ngezinkulungwane, usifundisile umuntu ukuthi ubani onguye uma kuqhathaniswa nefoni yakho.

Le mikhuba ibaluleke kakhulu kangangokuthi ayibonakali, futhi inegama: phubbing — ukungabheki umuntu okhulumayo naye. Kubukeka kuncane, futhi noma yisiphi isibonelo sikhona. Kodwa abacwaningi abahlola lokhu bahlala befika eziphethweni ezingezinhle: ukuncipha kokwaneliseka kobudlelwano, ukungezwani okwengeziwe, ukungabi seduze, ngisho nemiphumela emibi empilweni. Nansi lokho ubufakazi obukhombisa, kungani okuncane kangaka kuthinta kanje, nokuthi ungakwenza kanjani ngalokhu.

Umkhuba ongawuboni nhlobo

"Phubbing" wangena engxoxweni ngo-2012 futhi kusukela lapho ube yisihloko esisemqoka ocwaningweni lobudlelwano. Kungumsebenzi ojwayelekile wokuhlola ifoni yakho ngenkathi unomuntu — phakathi komusho, ngesikhathi sokudla, ngesikhathi okumele kube isikhathi sokwabelana. Uma kuhloswe kumlingani othandekayo, abacwaningi bakubiza ngokuthi "partner phubbing," futhi leyo inguqulo esiyifundile kakhulu.

Okukhathazayo kulokhu kukhombisa ukuthi kuyini okwenza kube sengathi akukhathazi: kuwe, kuwukubheka okungakhumbulekanga. Kubantu, kuyisignali ebonakalayo yokuthi okuthile esikrinini sekudlulelwe. Le ngxenye — akukho okukhona, kukhona okutholakalayo — yinkinga enkulu encane.

Futhi ngoba wonke umuntu uyakwenza, phubbing sekuphenduke into evamile njengokuhlobisa udonga. Izithandani, abangane, imindeni yonke ihlanganyela etafuleni ngenkathi wonke umuntu ehlakulela esikrinini esihlukile. Kodwa ukujwayela akusho ukuthi akukhathazi — ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi ubuhlungu buhamba nxa bobabili bekulindele. Ukujwayela akukhiphi izindleko. Kukhona kuphela ukufihla.

Ukubheka okuncane phakathi kwengxoxo kuthumela umyalezo omncane, ongafunwa: 'lesi sikhala singase sibe interesting kunani.' Ukubheka okukodwa akukhathazi. Ukubheka okukhulu kweziqhamuka kube nomuzwa othule, ophumayo wokungabi nendima.

Ucwaningo lukhombisa izinto ezimbi kakhulu kunalokho obungakucabanga

Ngokuthile okubonakala kuncane kangaka, imiphumela iyavumelana kakhulu.

Luhlasela ukwaneliseka kobudlelwano

Ucwaningo olukhuluma kakhulu lwango-2016 olwenziwe nguRoberts noDavid luthole ukuthi ukunganaki umngane ngesikhathi esebenzisa ucingo kuholela ekukhuleni kwezinkinga — futhi lezi zinkinga, zaphinde zashintsha ukwaneliseka kobudlelwano. Indlela ibonisa kahle: umngane ongathandwa uzwe ukuthi ucingo luncintisana naye ukuze athole ukunakwa, futhi le mizwa yalimaza.

Akuphelanga lapho. Ukunganeliseki kobudlelwano kwaphinde kwaholela ekunganeliseki kokuphila, futhi kwabanye, izimpawu zokudangala eziningi. Uhlaka oluqala ngokuqhubekayo kokubona isaziso bese luphetha ekuphileni kahle — luhamba ngqo phakathi kobudlelwano.

Ucingo akudingi ukuthi lube lukhona

Nansi ingxenye engakhululekile. U-Przybylski no-Weinstein bathole ukuthi ukuhamba nje kwefoni phambi kokukhuluma — hhayi ukuyisebenzisa, hhayi nokuyithinta — kwehlisa imizwa yokuseduze kanye nekhwalithi yokukhuluma, ikakhulukazi uma abantu bekhuluma ngento ebalulekile kubo. Ukuhlala etafuleni, ubuso buphansi, kungathintwanga, kusabiza ukuxhumana. Ukukhona kwayo kuphela kuphakamisa ukuthi "ngingaphazanyiswa nganoma yisiphi isikhathi," futhi lokho kukhona okwanele.

Kungani into encane kangaka ibalulekile kakhulu

Kulungile ukubuza ukuthi kanjani ukubheka kungathwala kanje. Impendulo ikhuluma ngalokho okukhuluma phakathi kwabantu.

Ukubheka yindlela esikhuluma ngayo 'ubalulekile'

Kusukela ngesikhathi sokuqala kwabantu, ukunaka okungaphazamiseki kube enye yezindlela ezicacile zokukhombisa omunye ukuthi ubalulekile. Ukulalela ngokugcwele, ukubamba iso, ukuba khona — lokho kuyisibonakaliso sokubaluleka. Ukukhipha lokho, ngisho nangesekhondi, kubhalwa endaweni ejulile njengokwenqaba okuncane, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umgomo ubukeka ungacacile. Akekho ophila ngokuqonda okuthi "nginwenqekile." Umuzwa wokuthi ubalulekile kancane kancane uqoqeka.

Ubudlelwano buqhutshwa ngokuphendulwa

Ucwaningo ngothando luhlala lubuyela endabeni eyodwa yokuxhumana: umuzwa wokuthi umlingani wakho uyakuzwa, uyakubaluleka, uyakuthokozela. Ukuphubha kubhujiswa ngqo. Umlingani ophakathi kokubuka isikrini akakwazi ukujolisa ngokuphelele kulokho okukhuluma — futhi uzwa leli phutha. Uma uqoqe lezi zikhala eziningi, usuphulile isisekelo ubudlelwano obusekelwe kuso.

Izingane nazo zifunda lokhu. Zifunda ukuthi ubudlelwano busebenza kanjani ngokubuka, futhi ukungaboni abazali — amehlo ekushayeleni ucingo esikhundleni sokubheka ingane — kubhekwa njengento ethinta impilo yezingane. Imikhuba yokusebenzisa ucingo ekhaya idluliselwa phansi noma ngabe kukhona ofuna lokhu.

Akukhona ukuthi ungenandaba.

Okubalulekile: ukungaboni akuvamile ukuba kube uphawu lokuthi uyayeka ukunaka. Abantu bangaboni ozakwabo nabangane ababenze izinqumo ezinzima. Lokhu kudalwa yizizathu ezifanayo nezokusebenzisa ucingo — idivayisi eyakhiwe ukuze ibambe ukunaka ngezikhumbuzo ezingalindelekile, kanye nesimo sokuhlola esivela ngaphansi kokucabanga. Lokhu kuyimikhuba ethile, hhayi isinqumo ngobudlelwano.

Lokhu kubuyisela kubalulekile, ngoba kubulala isixazululo esingalungile. Uma i-phubbing ibonisa ukuthi awunandaba, impendulo ingaba "naka kakhulu" — engasizi, njengoba usunake kakhulu. Kuyisikhumbuzo esiqhutshwa ukutholakala kwesixhobo nokufuna ukusibheka, okusho ukuthi kuphendula ezindleleni ezisebenzayo ezifana nanoma iyiphi imikhuba yefoni, hhayi ukujula. Ukuze ubone imishini yalokho okufunayo, bheka <a href="/blog/posts/why-cant-i-stop-scrolling/">ubuchwepheshe bezokwelapha bokusebenzisa ifoni ngokweqile</a>.

Okusiza ngempela

Njengoba i-phubbing iyimikhuba eqhutshwa ukufika kwefoni, izinyathelo ezisebenzayo zinciphisa isikhumbuzo futhi zihlukanise indawo evikelekile, engenafoni, kubantu abakubheke:

<li><strong>Yenza izindawo ezingenamafoni.</strong> Khetha izimo — ukudla, ihora lokuqala ekhaya, izingxoxo zangempela — ezizoba ngaphandle kwamafoni ngokuzenzakalelayo. Kukhona ngaphandle kwetafula ngokuphelele, hhayi nje kuphela phansi.</li><li><strong>Phuma emehlweni, hhayi nje ukushintshwa.</strong> Njengoba ukubonakala kuphela kwehlisa ubudlelwano, ukususa ifoni emehlweni ngesikhathi esibalulekile kuhle kakhulu kunokuyisebenzisa kuphela.</li><li><strong>Yibize ndawonye, ngaphandle kokubanga icala.</strong> Ngoba akukhumbuli, isivumelwano esithambile esabelwe — "amafoni kude ngesikhathi sokudla" — sisebenza kangcono kakhulu kunokubanga icala. Yenza kube umkhuba ophumelelayo, hhayi icala.</li><li><strong>Khansela izaziso ezingabalulekile.</strong> Ukunciphisa izikhumbuzo, ukunciphisa izizathu zokubheka phansi phakathi komusho. Susa isikhumbuzo emthonjeni.</li><li><strong>Phakamisa ngenhloso.</strong> Ifoni kude, amehlo phezulu. Lokhu kwenza isikhathi sibe ngcono futhi kuthuthukisa umkhuba kubo bonke abakuzungezile — kuhlanganise nezingane.</li>

Umqondo ofanayo nawo wonke umkhuba wefoni: hlela indawo, ungathembeli ekuzibambeni okukhulu ngesikhathi. Ifoni ekamelweni elingakude ayikwazi ukubhekwa ngesikhathi sokudla. Ukuze uthole umqondo obanzi, bheka <a href="/blog/posts/how-to-reduce-screen-time/">ukunciphisa isikhathi sokubuka isikrini ngaphandle kokuzikhandla</a>.

Umphumela wokugcina

Ukuphubha yindlela yokusebenzisa ifoni evame kakhulu, futhi ngenxa yokuthi kubonakala kunganqamuki, izindleko zayo zishaywa phansi. Kodwa ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi: ukunaka ifoni phakathi kwabantu obathandayo — ngisho nangokwejwayelekile, ngisho ngaphandle kokuyisebenzisa — kunciphisa ukwaneliseka kobudlelwano, kunciphisa uxhumano, futhi kukhombisa, ngokumelene nalokho okukhona empeleni, ukuthi bahlala ngaphansi kwesikrini.

Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi lokhu akukaze kube mayelana nokuthanda abantu kakhulu. Kuyindlela yokusebenzisa edalwe yidivayisi, okusho ukuthi iyavumelana nezinguquko ezilula ezifana nanoma iyiphi indlela yokusebenzisa ifoni. Beka ifoni ngaphandle kokubona lapho kubalulekile, uvikele izikhala ezimbalwa zokungasebenzisi ifoni, futhi unikeze umuntu ophambi kwakho into eyodwa esikrini sikh competition: ukunaka kwakho okuphelele. Kungase kube ukuphuculwa okuphansi kakhulu, okuthola inzuzo enkulu — hhayi ekusetshenzisweni kwefoni yakho, kodwa ebudlelwaneni bakho.

Sources

1. Roberts, J.A., & David, M.E. (2016). My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners. Computers in Human Behavior, 54, 134–141.
2. Przybylski, A.K., & Weinstein, N. (2013). Can you connect with me now? How the presence of mobile communication technology influences face-to-face conversation quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30(3), 237–246.
3. Chotpitayasunondh, V., & Douglas, K.M. (2016). How "phubbing" becomes the norm: The antecedents and consequences of snubbing via smartphone. Computers in Human Behavior, 63, 9–18.
4. Wang, X., Xie, X., Wang, Y., Wang, P., & Lei, L. (2017). Partner phubbing and depression among married Chinese adults: The roles of relationship satisfaction and relationship length. Personality and Individual Differences, 110, 12–17.
5. Reis, H.T., & Clark, M.S. (2013). Responsiveness. In J.A. Simpson & L. Campbell (Eds.), The Oxford Handbook of Close Relationships, 400–423.