Phubbing: Umkhuba omncane ocekela kancane phansi ubudlelwano bakho

Uxoxa nomuntu omthandayo. Ifoni yakho iyakhanya, futhi amehlo akho abheke kuyo — imizuzwana emihlanu, kancane kakhulu ukuze uqaphele. Ngaphakathi, akukhona okuthile. Ngasohlangothini lwetafula, kwenzeke okuthile: kulolo suku lwemizuzwana emihlanu, baphumelelwe ukushiywa eceleni ukuze babheke eskrini. Ukwenza kube kube kanye, akukhona okuthile. Ukwenza kube ngezinkulungwane, usifundisile umuntu ukuthi ubani onguye uma kuqhathaniswa nefoni yakho.

Lo mkhuba ususakazeke kangangokuthi usungathi awusabonwa, futhi unegama: phubbing — ukunganaki umuntu okukhona naye ngenxa yefoni. Kuzwakala kuyinto encane, futhi noma ukwenziwa kanye kuphela kuyinto encane. Kodwa abacwaningi abayihlolile bahlale bethola imiphumela engakhululekile efanayo: ukwaneliseka kobudlelwano okuphansi, izingxabano eziningi, ukusondelana okuncane, ngisho nemiphumela echaphazela inhlalakahle. Nakhu okuboniswa ubufakazi ngempela, ukuthi kungani into encane kangaka iba nomthelela omkhulu kangaka, nokuthi yini ongayenza ngayo.

Umkhuba ongawuboni nhlobo

"Phubbing" yaqala ukukhulunywa ngayo cishe ngo-2012 futhi kusukela lapho seyaba isihloko sangempela socwaningo ngobudlelwano. Kuwumkhuba wansuku zonke wokubheka ifoni yakho ngesikhathi usenomunye umuntu — phakathi nenkulumo, ngesikhathi sedina, noma ngesikhathi okufanele sabelwane ngaso. Uma kwenziwa kumlingani othandana naye, abacwaningi bakubiza ngokuthi "partner phubbing," futhi yilona hlobo olucwaningwe kakhulu.

Okukhathazayo kulokhu kukhombisa ukuthi kuyini okwenza kube sengathi akukhathazi: kuwe, kuwukubheka okungakhumbulekanga. Kubantu, kuyisignali ebonakalayo yokuthi okuthile esikrinini sekudlulelwe. Le ngxenye — akukho okukhona, kukhona okutholakalayo — yinkinga enkulu encane.

Futhi ngoba wonke umuntu uyakwenza, phubbing seyivamile kangangokuthi cishe akekho osayibona. Izithandani, abangani, ngisho nemindeni yonke babelana itafula ngesikhathi ngamunye ecwila esikrinini sakhe. Kodwa ukujwayeleka akusho ukuthi akunabungozi — ucwaningo lusikisela ukuthi ubuhlungu buzwakala ngisho noma kwenziwa abantu bobabili futhi bekulindelekile. Ukujwayela akuzange kususe umonakalo. Kwawufihla nje.

Ukubheka okuncane phakathi kwengxoxo kuthumela umyalezo omncane, ongafunwa: 'lesi sikhala singase sibe interesting kunani.' Ukubheka okukodwa akukhathazi. Ukubheka okukhulu kweziqhamuka kube nomuzwa othule, ophumayo wokungabi nendima.

Ucwaningo lukhombisa izinto ezimbi kakhulu kunalokho obungakucabanga

Ngokuthile okubonakala kuncane kangaka, imiphumela iyavumelana kakhulu.

Luhlasela ukwaneliseka kobudlelwano

Ucwaningo lwango-2016 olucashunwa kakhulu olwenziwa uRoberts noDavid lwathola ukuthi ukwenziwa kwe-phubbing ngomlingani kwandisa ukungezwani ngokusetshenziswa kwefoni — futhi lokho kungqubuzana, ngakolunye uhlangothi, kwabikezela ukwaneliseka okuphansi ebudlelwaneni. Indlela okwenzeka ngayo ibiveza okuningi: umlingani owashaywa yi-phubbing wazizwa sengathi ifoni ibincintisana naye ngokunakwa, futhi lowo muzwa waba nomonakalo.

Akuphelanga lapho. Ukunganeliseki kobudlelwano kwaphinde kwaholela ekunganeliseki kokuphila, futhi kwabanye, izimpawu zokudangala eziningi. Uhlaka oluqala ngokuqhubekayo kokubona isaziso bese luphetha ekuphileni kahle — luhamba ngqo phakathi kobudlelwano.

Ucingo akudingi ukuthi lube lukhona

Nali iphuzu elikhathazayo. Ocwaningweni oluncane elebhu, u-Przybylski no-Weinstein bathola ukuthi ukuba khona nje kwefoni ebonakalayo ngesikhathi kunengxoxo — hhayi ukuyisebenzisa, ngisho nokuyithinta — kwehlisa umuzwa wokusondelana kanye nezinga lengxoxo, ikakhulukazi lapho abantu bekhuluma ngokuthile okubalulekile kubo. Ilele etafuleni, ibheke phansi, ingathintwanga, kodwa isenokubiza ukuxhumana kwabo. Ukuba khona kwayo nje kukuhlebela ukuthi "Ngingaphazamiseka noma yinini," futhi lokho kwanele.

Kungani into encane kangaka ibalulekile kakhulu

Kulungile ukubuza ukuthi kanjani ukubheka kungathwala kanje. Impendulo ikhuluma ngalokho okukhuluma phakathi kwabantu.

Ukubheka yindlela esikhuluma ngayo 'ubalulekile'

Kusukela ngesikhathi sokuqala kwabantu, ukunaka okungaphazamiseki kube enye yezindlela ezicacile zokukhombisa omunye ukuthi ubalulekile. Ukulalela ngokugcwele, ukubamba iso, ukuba khona — lokho kuyisibonakaliso sokubaluleka. Ukukhipha lokho, ngisho nangesekhondi, kubhalwa endaweni ejulile njengokwenqaba okuncane, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umgomo ubukeka ungacacile. Akekho ophila ngokuqonda okuthi "nginwenqekile." Umuzwa wokuthi ubalulekile kancane kancane uqoqeka.

Ubudlelwano buqhutshwa ngokuphendulwa

Ucwaningo lobudlelwano luhlale lubuyela entweni eyodwa ebalulekile ekusondelaneni: umuzwa wokuthi umlingani wakho uyakuqonda, uyakwazisa, futhi ukulalele ngempela. Phubbing iyalilimaza lokho ngqo. Uma umlingani ebuka isikrini kancane, akakwazi ukugxila ngokugcwele kulokho okushoyo — bese uyaluzwa lolo khebe. Uma lezo zikhala seziningi ngokwanele, usuqede isisekelo okwakhiwa kuso ukusondelana.

Izingane nazo ziyakumunca lokhu. Zifunda indlela ubudlelwano obusebenza ngayo ngokubuka, futhi i-phubbing yabazali — amehlo efoni esikhundleni sengane — sekucwaningwe ngayo njengento ethinte inhlalakahle yezingane. Imikhuba yefoni ekhaya idluliselwa phambili noma ngabe akekho oyihlosile.

Akukhona ukuthi ukhathalela kancane

Okubalulekile: phubbing cishe akuvamile ukuba ibe uphawu lokuthi usuyekile ukunakekela umuntu ophambi kwakho. Abantu benza phubbing kubalingani nakubangane ababengazenzela noma yini ngenxa yabo. Iqhutshwa yindlela efanayo esebenza nakho konke ukusetshenziswa kwefoni — idivayisi eyakhiwe ukuze idonse ukunaka ngemivuzo engalindelekile, kanye nomuzwa wokuhlola oqala ngaphambi kokuqaphela. Wumkhuba osujwayelekile, hhayi isinqumo ngobudlelwano.

Lokho kubuka kabusha kubalulekile, ngoba kususa isixazululo esingesona. Ukube i-phubbing ibisasho ukuthi awusenandaba kangako, impendulo ibingaba ukuthi "vele ukhathalele kakhulu" — okuyize, ngoba usuvele ukhathalela ngokwanele. Wumkhuba oqalwa ukuba khona kwedivayisi kanye nesifiso sokuyibheka, okusho ukuthi uphendula kumaqhinga asebenzayo afanayo nanoma yimuphi umkhuba wefoni, hhayi emuzweni wokuzisola. Ngemishini yalelo sifiso, bheka i-neuroscience yokusebenzisa ifoni ngokungazibambi.

Okusiza ngempela

Njengoba i-phubbing iwumkhuba owenziwa ubukhona befoni, izinyathelo ezisebenzayo zinciphisa lowo mqondo futhi zakhele abantu abaphambi kwakho isikhala esivikelekile, esingenafoni:

• Yenza izindawo ezingenamafoni. Khetha izimo — ukudla, ihora lokuqala ekhaya, izingxoxo zangempela — ezizoba ngaphandle kwamafoni ngokuzenzakalelayo. Kukhona ngaphandle kwetafula ngokuphelele, hhayi nje kuphela phansi.
• Phuma emehlweni, hhayi nje ukushintshwa. Njengoba ukubonakala kuphela kwehlisa ubudlelwano, ukususa ifoni emehlweni ngesikhathi esibalulekile kuhle kakhulu kunokuyisebenzisa kuphela.
• Yibize ndawonye, ngaphandle kokubanga icala. Ngoba akukhumbuli, isivumelwano esithambile esabelwe — "amafoni kude ngesikhathi sokudla" — sisebenza kangcono kakhulu kunokubanga icala. Yenza kube umkhuba ophumelelayo, hhayi icala.
• Khansela izaziso ezingabalulekile. Ukunciphisa izikhumbuzo, ukunciphisa izizathu zokubheka phansi phakathi komusho. Susa isikhumbuzo emthonjeni.
• Phakamisa ngenhloso. Ifoni kude, amehlo phezulu. Lokhu kwenza isikhathi sibe ngcono futhi kuthuthukisa umkhuba kubo bonke abakuzungezile — kuhlanganise nezingane.

Umqondo ofanayo nawo wonke umkhuba wefoni: hlela indawo, ungathembeli ekuzibambeni okukhulu ngesikhathi. Ifoni ekamelweni elingakude ayikwazi ukubhekwa ngesikhathi sokudla. Ukuze uthole umqondo obanzi, bheka ukunciphisa isikhathi sokubuka isikrini ngaphandle kokuzikhandla.

Umphumela wokugcina

I-phubbing iyona mkhuba wefoni osetshenzwa kakhulu, futhi ngenxa yokuthi izwakala sengathi ayilutho, umthelela wayo uyadlula ungabonwa. Kodwa ucwaningo luqhubeka lukhomba into efanayo: ukunaka ifoni uma useduze kwabantu obathandayo kuxhunyaniswa nokwaneliseka okuphansi ebudlelwaneni nokuxhumana okubuthaka, futhi kukhombisa, naphezu kwakho konke okuzwayo ngempela, ukuthi bona babekwa ngaphansi kwesikrini.

Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi lokhu akukaze kube mayelana nokuthanda abantu kakhulu. Kuyindlela yokusebenzisa edalwe yidivayisi, okusho ukuthi iyavumelana nezinguquko ezilula ezifana nanoma iyiphi indlela yokusebenzisa ifoni. Beka ifoni ngaphandle kokubona lapho kubalulekile, uvikele izikhala ezimbalwa zokungasebenzisi ifoni, futhi unikeze umuntu ophambi kwakho into eyodwa esikrini sikh competition: ukunaka kwakho okuphelele. Kungase kube ukuphuculwa okuphansi kakhulu, okuthola inzuzo enkulu — hhayi ekusetshenzisweni kwefoni yakho, kodwa ebudlelwaneni bakho.

Sources

1. Roberts, J.A., & David, M.E. (2016). My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners. Computers in Human Behavior, 54, 134–141.
2. Przybylski, A.K., & Weinstein, N. (2013). Can you connect with me now? How the presence of mobile communication technology influences face-to-face conversation quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30(3), 237–246.
3. Chotpitayasunondh, V., & Douglas, K.M. (2016). How "phubbing" becomes the norm: The antecedents and consequences of snubbing via smartphone. Computers in Human Behavior, 63, 9–18.
4. Wang, X., Xie, X., Wang, Y., Wang, P., & Lei, L. (2017). Partner phubbing and depression among married Chinese adults: The roles of relationship satisfaction and relationship length. Personality and Individual Differences, 110, 12–17.
5. Reis, H.T., & Clark, M.S. (2013). Responsiveness. In J.A. Simpson & L. Campbell (Eds.), The Oxford Handbook of Close Relationships, 400–423.

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